Saturday, January 9

The Nominee In the Soiled Drawers Category . . .

. . . . of the Amazon.com People Unclear on the Concept Award.

I'm fairly certain this is the first time I've come across a review of one of my books, positive or otherwise, that includes the phrase "pooped my pants."

24 comments:

WarlordGrego said...

that was hilarious.

(I bet he poops his pants all the time though.)

Nathan said...

Incidentally I had the dubious pleasure of sitting next to a fellow last night who had actually pooped his pants. It seemed a lot less joyful in reality than its apparent proponents on the internet try to make it seem.

Guy said...

It's like these people complaining didn't read the last two or three paragraphs in the novel and don't get the joke.

As a counter proposal to his review, I beg you to write more, faster. I'm going broke, you see. Every time I go to Barnes & Noble and don't see His Father's Fist, I'm forced to buy a book with a shiny cover and terrible prose. And then I have to devour that terrible book, one terribly written page at a time, so when the sailfin lizard people of Mintaka come to check their subcutaneous probes (they're trying to be a kinder, more gentle, less rectally-focused people) I won't have to see the sad looks on their scaly faces when they dig through my book shelves again.

This face is your fault. Those reptilian tears are on your head! :(

sleeper said...

I dono what's up with that Foz guy. He sounds about as friendly as a Verdorgian Gromf Weasel with a bad case of Saber Flies. I wonder what sort of Hork Janzler crawled up his shorts that made him write all that mean stuff... maybe that's what made him poop his pants...

Knightfall1138 said...

Who do I gotta harass to get Mindor, Episode III and Traitor on my Kindle over here? FINALLY got Blade of Tyshalle, but I needs me some more Stover/Star Wars.

I want to see what all this pooping's about.

Scott said...

I, for one, am looking forward to the promised poem. ;-)

Drew said...

points for originality, but that doesn't make up for his ignorance on the essay portion. the poem had better reflect his command of the finer qualities and nuances of the English sonnet if he expects to make up for his lapses in that review.

I am Dr. Krog said...

This is back to that concept of "idiot has no purpose in life and writes reviews."

His other review: Thrawn Trilogy in September... Thanks for that timely review dork. Even if the comments had merit the choice shows he's probably not familiar with the constraints of writing in the EU. It's annoying that it impacts ratings, but whatever, laugh all the way to the bank...

heathcliff said...

I thought Matt's similes in Mindor were intelligent and descriptive of the images he intended to impart. It seems like a lot of effort to be only a set up for a cheap joke. So, I'm not convinced that was the intent.

Scott said...

Just bought a copy of The Real Flash Gordon on ebay. :-)

MWS said...

Well, spank me purple.

I just went to eBay and apparently this guy has another copy, too.

On the other hand, the author isn't listed . . . and it's in the Non-Fiction category . . . so caveat lector as well as emptor 'n' stuff.

Still, drop a line and let me know what turns up.

JMD said...

Sorry to derail the topic, but I wanted to say something real quick: Mr. Stover, you are a genius.

It never ceases to amaze me how much stuff there is in your books. After having read Traitor(and a few others) an ungodly number of times, I can still find things that I can see from a new perspective and find new meaning in them.
Of course, nothing compares to the epiphany that I just had reading Heroes Die. I just realized that it may be the greatest deconstruction of Epic/Heroic fantasy ever.
It seems kind of obvious now that I see it, but I had been so fascinated by the characters and the plot that I never noticed the whole point behind describing the media frenzy(I basically fell into the same trap Deliann's/Rossi's audience would have in Blade, I thought it was just part of the story, something for Caine to deal with). But then I sort of thought 'hey wait, I'm essentially doing the same thing as the media, finding entertainment in the struggles of Caine.' I had never before noticed the massive dissonance between enjoying stories and the actual reality of what is going on in those stories. I don't think I'll look at any story(fantasy or otherwise) the same again, and I definitely mean that in a good way.
Other than writing this to do some ass kissing, I also wanted to say thanks. Beyond the large amounts of entertainment I get out of your work, it's also constantly been giving me things to think about and helped me understand a lot of things. I did my best to thank you by buying a lot of your books and getting a few of my friends hooked, but it didn't feel like enough, so I thought I'd let you know that you are very much appreciated.
Again, you are brilliant and thanks.

MWS said...

Well . . . thank you very much.

As (I think) Deliann says: What any story means depends on who you are when you look at it.

Just so you know: you never have to apologize for interrupting a discussion with fulsome praise. Praise of any sort is always welcome, and appreciated.

Rob Locke said...

Speaking of Star Wars critics, I found this entertaining (if not thought prevocing):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI&feature=related

Be warned-- its a review of the movie Phantom Menace, 7 parts total. Each part roughly 10 minutes long. Humor included.

Rob Locke said...

Prevocing? I mean prevocking! Take pity on my tired soul.

Guy said...

Red Letter Media's review of TPM is beyond hilarious. I can't wait until they put up their AotC review in a few months.

And really cements my previous comment that Jorge should have given the whole story of to MWS and let him create something truly epic. The scene between Leia and Wedge and the other dude in the hanger of LSatSoM is more thoughtful and more in tune with the original trilogy than the entire prequel trilogy combined.

RotS is like Star Trek 5: the book is going to be better remembered than the movie.

Trav said...

Looking at the reviews for that book, it would seem like people either love you hate you. (More love you!) It's like a reverse bell curve- few in the middle and lots on either end. I imagine the Star Wars stuff pays the bills... but as the scifi/fantasy purchaser for a mid-sized library I wish Caine would get his due. Then I could start buying more copies!

Scott said...

Ah, fuck me.

"Matthew opens the mysterious trunk... It's filled with clues that lead him to... The Real Flash Gordon," by Katherine Leiner, photographs by Michael Arthur.

No, really, that's the title. Except for the Fuck Me part, that was me. Damnation.

Wanna swap? ;-)

ganeshkumar said...

This article has some interesting points. Like the baby example is so true, my baby always wants to run away when he's happy. I should of known about this information all along. But good stuff, I mean I learn so much through blogs it amazes me.
עוזרת בית

.

Chan said...

Long time lurker, first time poster; I've been a fan of your books for a long, long time, and I believe I have almost every one written...Except Heroes Die. You've actually managed to bring color and *sense* to Star Wars, which I've largely believed to be unsalvageable, given the EU.

Unfortunately, I do have a single complaint; The God of War novel is, well- It isn't very good. The opening and ending chapters read like they've been written by you, but the rest, I'd say it's the other author, who's made it staggering average. That'll teach me to make impulse buys. =/

One thing- I was a little disappointed that the novelization for the Force Unleashed wasn't written by you, especially since the novel, which is supposed to explore a darker side of the Star Wars saga, seemed like it'd be right up your alley.

Is there any chance you might be working on the novelization of the second game? I ask because the first one had so much potential, but ended up mediocre...And I believe you'd absolutely nail the main character's, well, characterisation.

Sexsource said...

Too f–king good
I am sure he had a turn on that ass later on
סרטוני סקס.

dvacoil said...

Took me time to read all the comments, but I really enjoyed the article. It proved to be Very helpful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here! It’s always nice when you can not only be informed, but also entertained! I’m sure you had fun writing this article.
צילום אירועים.

Anonymous said...

If I'm correct, "His Father's Fist" is another "Caine" novel??? Please, please, please...
I've written before...and I have read just about every Fantasy novel that's ever been worth reading...and I can attest that the Caine series is BY FAR the finest Fantasy series I've ever read....
I've read some bad reviews about the series..but I just cannot fathom how ANYONE can say one thing bad about it. It is, so far, the ONLY series I've read more than once...and actually more than twice!! It's just THAT good!!
And being Shorei Goju Ryu student for many years....I appreciate that you study at Degerberg Academy in Chicago. I almost went there...but decided to go to Lambert's Winning Edge in Jefferson Park. He's gone now....I have now idea where he is...but he was a great sensei and I learned a lot.
It's about time that we Chicagoans show the world that the finest Fantasy author lives in our fine, but admittedly crappy, city!! (That's just my opinion...I moved back 5 years ago because of family issues...and wish I hadn't. Problem is...everyone in Chicago thinks they have to act like tough guys/girls because we have a reputation of being a "tough city." How stupid!! I for one learned after 10 years of practice 5 days a week/ 3 hours a day....that I can STILL get stomped on!! Lol...unfortunately, the loudest voices of anger are those from people who cannot back it up! And that sums up Chicago for me. However...at least you're here...so that's something to be said, right??)

Anyway...keep plugging away. I'm waiting with bated breath for Caine Vol. 4...but I know you have to keep writing those tie-ins to Star Wars and the video game titles to pay the bills...so I'll just have to wait. Too bad that nobody else can see the burgeoning talent I see.... Ah well....can't fight against the dumbing down of America, when people are more interested in celebrities than what's going on in the world outside their Ivory Towers, right??

Aloha, my friend...

Couch

Girlyngdicky SuckerGoogy said...

Having Sex Is Good for Your Health. Lets Talk About Sex.