Wednesday, June 16


Y'know, I was planning to write an entry tonight about why we are losing the War of Terror, and why it's obvious to anyone who's been awake for the past three years knows that our President is a lying sack of shit.

But fuck it anyway. Like I said, anyone who's been awake knows all that shit already.

Mostly what I'm thinking about is how I'd like to open a gay-friendly martial arts school. Let the faggots come to learn how to kick a little ass (no innuendo of any kind intended).

Sound strange? Who cares?

I worked in the city, in a high-end restaurant. I had a number of gay friends, several of whom informed me that gay-bashing is still a pretty popular sport in the US. We don't hear about it much any more -- it's "old news" -- but it still happens. Wouldn't surprise me if the incidence is rising, given the gay marriage flap and all.

When one of my friends came to work with a black eye and stitches in his lip, I honestly (for all of three seconds) wished I had been with him that night, because there were some people in Chicago who were in serious need of broken bones.

Sometimes I think of another friend of mine -- a friend from grade school, who drifted away from me in high school when he joined the footbal team and started hanging out with the jocks. Gay-bashing was a sport with the Danville High School football squad in those days too, apparently -- he told me about going on a "baseball expedition", which involved Lousiville Sluggers and State Parks after dark. Any time they found two guys in a car, instead of a guy and a girl, they'd drag 'em out and deliver the requisite assault with a deadly weapon. Right up until the night my sort-of friend found himself staring down the barrels of a twelve-gauge side-by-side poking out the window of a car in the rest area off Illinois Route 1.

I think I may have engaged in gay bashing of my own, once or twice -- in the ring, at the Degerberg Academy. But it's hard to be sure, since the general climate there wasn't exactly gay-friendly. Which is why I'd like to open a GLB self-defense school. Because the best way to make gay-bashing (or any other kind of bashing) go away is to make it DANGEROUS.

Okay, so I'm a starry-eyed idealist. Fuckin' sue me.

Of course, the Double-Barrelled Shotgun Defense has a certain charm of its own . . .


gabe chouinard said...

How do you spell "Booo Yah!" anyway?

Oh, and in one fell swoop you've completely destroyed all the criticism that went around claiming you were homophobic.

Guess that'll teach 'em.

Joe Crow said...

Y'know, for a less time-intensive self defence setup. How long does it take to acquire a practical knowledge of hand-to-hand chopsocky? Couple of years, yeah? Couple of weeks at the range and Bob's your (heavily armed) uncle...